We’re a few weeks into the new parliament and the tactics which will be deployed against the bulk of the Scottish MPs are becoming clear. The SNP table amendments and they are voted down. Labour sit on their hands to allow the tory majority to do the deed so that they can appear to be blame free. Last minute amendments are tabled to legislation in the unelected house of lords, where there are no SNP party grandees, in order to pull the rug out of one of Scotland’s success stories. We also had an amendment to ensure the permanence of the Scottish Parliament voted down because, if there was ever a Unilateral Declaration of Independence then it would be dissolved. It’s like an emergency shutoff switch for the unionists.

My feeling is that the unionist parties are deliberately undermining Scotland in order to make us more dependent on rUK. Take the Longannet story, it will be closed and jobs will be lost because of the huge grid connection charges which are levied on power generators in Scotland. It’s okay, we are told, by the wonders of pooling and sharing the electricity can be sent from England to Scotland, at a cost. Currently gas from Scottish waters is piped to power stations in southern England. This electricity will then be sold back to us at a premium. Are you getting it yet? Our country is being raped under our very noses and we are being left even poorer, and therefore more dependant on rUK. Just so that the unionists can continue to claim that we could not afford to be independent. I expect more of this type of thing over the course of this parliament.

As another example we had the news this week that the tories will pull the plug on subsidies for onshore wind a year early. They were just following the promise in their manifesto apparently. Now I’m no fan of onshore wind as regular readers will know, but it is one of the success stories for renewable energy within Scotland. On some days we can generate more than we consume and we sell the rest to England, so cash flows the other way. By pulling the plug the tories have effectively undermined the whole industry.

Part of the problem with wind power is that it is intermittent, it comes and goes and cannot be relied upon. What we need is a base load, a power generator which is always available when the wind doesn’t blow. This used to be provided by Longannet, a dirty coal-fired power station, and two nuclear power stations. If we wish to create a greener future then we have to find another power source which can provide this base load. My solution would be large-scale geothermal energy, extracting the heat from inside the planet to produce electricity and heat. The Scottish Government have already done a study on this and the report is an interesting read. I don’t intend to write more on this subject here, I will save it for another post.

Getting back to Westminster, the Scotland Bill is working its way through and soon it will be deposited on our land like a giant steamy turd. The unionist parties have broken the vow and they will not honour the Smith Agreement. Whatever we end up with will not satisfy me and, I would guess, a lot of other people. They are trying to put us back into the wee tartan biscuit tin. Whatever happens the SNP MP’s must vote against any Scotland Bill  that does not meet our expectations. Imagine that, we would end up with an act which none of our MPs (apart from Fluffy, Mr Toad and the other one) had voted for? What kind of constitutional crises would we have then?

Talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place. Poor Wee Willie is stuck with Alistair Carmichael, aka Toxic Toad. Mr Toad, as we all know, is the last Lib Dem MP in Scotland. If Wee Willie gives the toxic one his jotters, he is left with no influence in Westminster. But with the Lib Dems being reduced to only 8 MPs nationally they have very little influence anyway, however losing one eighth of their representation in the palace of Westminster commoners lounge would be a significant blow so it is little wonder that Wee Willie gives Mr Toad his support.

This support comes at a very unhealthy cost for Wee Willie with the Scottish parliamentary elections just round the corner. The people of Scotland are one of the most politically astute electorates on the planet at the moment. We remember what Mr Toad did. He lied to the electorate in order to get himself re-elected. That is an unforgiveable sin. By standing shoulder to shoulder with Mr Toad, Wee Willie is supporting his actions. He is condoning lying in government! He is placing a Soweto necklace around his own neck, ready for next year’s election.

He might have got away with it too if wasn’t for that pesky knight Malcolm Bruce who filled Wee Willie’s Soweto necklace with petrol by saying that all MPs are brazen liars. Who needs enemies when you’ve got friends like him eh? To think that he used to be my constituency MP, what lies did you tell us Malcolm? Did you lie to us about your expenses? Or was it about employing your wife as your secretary? Maybe it was about getting the roof of your house fixed on expenses? We would really like to know. Do you think he’ll tell us? I doubt it. Who is going to vote for a political party who behaves like that? Probably not many.

Is there a match for Wee Willie’s Soweto necklace? I believe that there is: a woman has reported a former Lib Dem MP to Staffordshire Police for sexual abuse while she was a child. She has even waived her right of anonymity. She claims that she was taken to the notorious nonces’ knocking shop Dolphin Square, where the MPs used to stay. That, compounded with the revelations about Cyril Smith, will surely ignite the fuel. All that remains for us is to take bets on how many Lib Dem MSPs will remain out of the current 5.

Talk about putting words in someone’s mouth, queenie had a whole speech put in hers this week as she opened the Westminster parliament. She gave us the tories’ to do list for the next parliamentary session. Top of the list was the Scotland Bill 2015-16 which is the unionist parties’ response to the infamous vow. As we all know this bill is based upon the Smith Commission which is the worst of compromises between the unionist parties, the lowest common denominator of powers that they were prepared to lend to the Scottish parliament. But this post is not about the bill itself, I’m more concerned about the timing of the bill. Here’s where we’re at:

Scotland Bill Progress

The bill is sponsored by the only tory MP in Scotland, our old friend Fluffy. It will be passed through the house of lords by his new sidekick, the unelected Lord Dunlop of Poll Tax. The bill is expected to pass into law before the Scottish parliamentary elections on 5th May 2016. But why the haste?

It could be because the tories have a wafer thin majority in the Westminster parliament, the house of lords is stuffed with them so no worries there but the house of commons is the real issue. The tories could be concerned that their majority could be eroded quite quickly, what with defections to UKIP, the odd nonce being unmasked or the grim reaper doing his work. But I doubt that because all of the other unionist parties are on side. The SNP, with 56 MPs, has no chance of stopping the bill going through.

It could be because they want the bill in law before the Scottish parliamentary elections, so that they can hold it up and give us all the “vow delivered” manure. The bill as it stands is unlikely to come anywhere close to home rule, as promised during the final stages of the independence referendum, but this won’t stop the unionist propaganda machine from pushing it down our throats continuously during the election. Do they seriously believe that this will make us vote for the unionist parties? I doubt it, the new realpolitik suggests that pro independence parties will wipe the floor with what remains of unionism in the Scottish parliament. The negative aspects of this bill will completely overshadow any positives that may come from it.

So why the haste then? I believe that the tories want to get this bill out-of-the-way so that it does not interfere with the EU referendum in 2017. There may be elements of the above 2 scenarios in their thinking, but the EU referendum is all for them. They have kicked the abolition of the Human Rights Act into the long grass for now, largely due to the number of potential tory rebels and the meeting between Alex Salmond and Dominic Grieve. They say that they need to take their time and get it right, so why not do the same for the Scotland Bill?

So what’s to be done? Amendments, that’s what. Our new representatives should table amendments to the bill to make it reflect what the people of Scotland want. That’s why we elected them after all. The effect of these amendments will be to prolong the journey of the bill through parliament. The SNP have no lords so it will all have to be done in the commons. Will this be sufficient to upset the tory timetable? Probably not given their majority, but then a week is a long time in politics. The Scottish parliamentary elections are 11 months away. Who knows what could happen between now and then?

“I say,” said Mr Toad. “I’ve got a jolly jape which will knock the wind out of Sturgeon’s sails.”

“How will you do that, Mr Toad?” said Fluffy.

“Why I’ll completely fabricate a ‘memo’ and use your connections in the Tory press to get the message out,” said Mr Toad, bloating in his own pomposity.

Fluffy nodded his head vigorously, he did love it when Mr Toad came up with one of his schemes. They had worked so well during the independence referendum, especially the wheeze of sending Gideon north to tell those SNP oiks that they couldn’t have the English pound. That was one of Mr Toad’s best ideas and it was Fluffy who had got Gideon on board.

Fast forward £1.4 million pounds and Mr Toad has become Toxic Toad. Nobody wants to go near him, the foul stench of corruption emanates from his every pore. He knew it was coming of course, the cabinet office had already told him.

“I say old chap,” said Jeremy, “but there’s going to be a frightful fuss over that memo that you leaked. We will keep quiet on the issue if you take the heat off of Fluffy. I’m sure that queenie would be VERY happy if you did that.” So Toxic Toad wrote a grovelling wee letter and made a pledge to keep his expense account intact. Not one of those Lib Dem pledges, goodness no, nobody keeps them. This pledge is cast iron, never going to be broken. Toxic Toad wondered what queenie would give him. A knighthood perhaps? Sir Toad, it had a certain ring to it.

Meanwhile, over the river Tweed, Wee Wullie was making a desperate attempt to hang on to the only Lib Dem MP in Scotland. He wrote a wee piece in a squeaky wee Lib Dem voice begging for forgiveness and asking for a second chance. You’d have thought that he would want to stay as far away from Toad’s toxicity as possible, in case some of it rubbed off and polluted his Scottish election campaign. But no, Wee Wullie showed why he is heading for the exit. Now he is smelling of corruption too. Maybe he has something to hide as well? Maybe he was party to the leak?

What say you Wee Wullie? Fit did ye ken?